Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part I - VI
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80 THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL
silvery voice she had sung her Finnish songs. Guided
by the clear light of remembrance, I found again the two
gigantic trees, grown together in an unending embrace ;
the two trunks were bending to the violent gusts of the
wind, and rubbed against each other with a grating noise.
From here she had taken a little footpath to gather a
water-lily which grew in a swamp.
With the zeal of a setter I tried to discover the trace
of her pretty foot, the imprint of which, however light,
I felt sure I could not miss. With bent shoulders and
eyes glued to the ground, I searched the path without
finding anything. The ground was covered with the foot-
prints of the deer, and I might just as well have tried
to follow the trail of a wood nymph, than discover the
spot which the dainty shoe of the adored woman had
trod. Nothing but mud-holes, refuse, fungi, toadstools,
puff-balls, decaying and decayed, and the broken stalks of
flowers. Arrived at the edge of the swamp, which was
filled with black water, I found a certain fleeting comfort
in the thought that it had once reflected the sweetest face
in all the world. In vain I looked for the spot where the
water lilies grew ; it was covered up by dead leaves, blown
down by the wind from the birch trees.
I retraced my footsteps and plunged into the heart of
the forest ; the soughing of the wind in the branches deep-
ened with the growing size of the trees. In the very depth
of despair I sobbed aloud, the tears raining down my
cheeks ; like a wild stag I trampled on the fungi and toad-
stools, tore up the young plants, dashed myself against the
trees. What did I want? I didn’t know myself. My
pulses throbbed, an inexpressible longing to see her again
came over me. She, whom I loved too deeply for desire,
had taken possession of my soul. And now that every-
thing was at an end, I longed to die, for life without her
was impossible.
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