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292 SKETCHES.
tiful exalted things, that they would make him happy, and
we would form a league of friendship for eternity. And
then there was a friend, whose very shadow on the wall was
dear to me; oh! if she should conie, and I could embrace
her, open my heart to her, show her my love, make her
rich with the wealth of my feelings! True she was some
hundred miles distant at her estate, but who knows whether
‘sne might not come for all that, as a New Year’s surprise ;
whether my longing could not draw her towards me with
magic power. Every thing seemed to me possible this
evening. And there was one person, who had done me
some wrong; oh! that he would come; I would do him
good in return; I would give him a treasure of love and
confidence forever.
There was above all, a man, a great man, a genius whom
I worshipped and loved almost to idolatry ; oh! if he would
come! what happiness to ‘see him, to converse with him,
to listen to his exalted thoughts; pour out wine for him;
wait upon him at the tea-table, and if he should ask a favor
of me, my purse or my life, what happiness to give it to
him, to live or to die for him! No, that would be too great
happiness! We won’t come. But there are in this world
so many interesting people, so many extraordinary cir-
cumstances. If only some of them would come and claim
my attention or my activity; my love or my bravery ; yes,
if nobody else would come, then, at any rate, thieves and
‘robbers; I would perform some desperate act of valor,
save my grandmother’s life, kill a man, perhaps two, with a
log of wood or with the poker, be spoken of, become
fanious ;-— perhaps suspected, be imprisoned, appear as a
witness before the police courts, which seemed to me to be
much more pleasant and interesting than to be or do—
nothing. I left the hall-door unlocked, in order to receive
the expected visitors, friends or foes. I felt as if I could
have governed the whole world. But the world seemed to’
take care of itself and not to care for me. The minutes
fled; nobody came. But was not somebody to come?
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