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114 THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL
ing sure of his affection, I alloAved my husband perfect
liberty. The consequences have proved my error. . .
."
*’
Wednesday.
"He is in love with her and has told me so. The
matter has surpassed all limits, and I have laughed at it.
. . . Think : after seeing you to the door, he came back
to me, took my hands, looked into my face—I trembled,
for my conscience was not clear—and said entreatingly :
*
Don’t be angry Avith me, Marie ! I love Matilda !
’
What was I to do ? Should I cry or laugh ? And he
confessed this to me, to me who am tormented by
remorse, forced to love you from afar, hopelessly ! Oh,
these stupid ideas of honour ! How senseless they are !
Let him indulge his passion ! You are my dear love, and
my woman’s heart shall never get the better of me and
make me forget my duties as a wife and mother. But
. . . notice the conflicting double nature of my feelings
... I love you both, and I could never live without him,
the brave, honest friend of my heart . . . nor without
you either."
" Friday.
"At last 3’ou have lifted the veil which for so long has
hidden the secret of my heart. And you don’t despise
me ! Merciful God ! You even love me. You have
spoken the words which you had determined to leave for
ever unspoken. You love me ! And I am a guilty
woman, a criminal, because I love you in return. May
God forgive me ! For I love him too, and could not bear
the thought of leaving him.
" How strange it is !.. . To be loved ! Loved
tenderly ! By him and by you ! I feel so happ}^ so
calm, that my love cannot possibly be a crime ! Surely
I should feel remorse if it were—or am I so hardened?
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Project Runeberg, Sat Dec 9 18:47:39 2023
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