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HOW IT WAS, AND HOW IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN
SCARCELY liad Sönya got her possessions into
some kind of order in her quaint ramshackle
lodgings than she was agaiu summoned to Russia. She had
to go in midwinter by sea to Helsingfors, and thence
by rail to St. Petersburg, in order to reach her ailing
sister, who continued to hover betwixt life and death.
On such occasions Sönya was never frightened, nor
was she to be deterred by any difficulty. She was
tenderly devoted to her sister, and always ready to
sacrifice herself for her sake. She now left her little girl
in my care during her absence of two winter months.
In that time I only received one letter from her,
which is of no interest beyond the fact that it shows
how sad her Christmas holidays were that year.
St. Petersburg, December 18, 1886.
Dear Anna Carlotta: I arrived here yesterday evening.
To-day I can scarcely write these few words to you. My sister
is fearfully ill, though the doctor thinks her better than she was
some days ago. A long, wearing illness like this is truly one of
the most terrible trials possible. She suffers untold agonies, and
can hardly sleep or even breathe. ... I do not know how long
I shall remain here. I long so much for Fouzi [her child], and
also for my work. My journey was very trying and wearisome.
Loving messages to you all.
Your affectionate friend.
sönya.
During the long days and nights that Sönya passed
by her sister’s sick-bed, many thoughts and fantasies
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