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A BIOGRAPHY
181
most difficult mental work, sitting hour after hour
immovable at her desk, were almost phenomenal. In the
evening, when she finally put up her papers, she would
be so absorbed in her own thoughts that she would
begin walking rapidly up and down the room, often
ending in a run ; and she often talked aloud to herself,
and sometimes even burst into laughter. At such times
she seemed to be altogether beyond earthly things, and ’
to be carried away from the world on the wings of
imagination. But she would never tell me what her
daydreams were about. She did not sleep much at night,
and when asleep was always restless. Sometimes she
would wake suddenly, roused by some fantastic dream,
and then would frequently ask me to keep awake also.
She liked to relate her dreams, which were often
interesting and peculiar. They were generally of the nature
of visions, and she believed them to be, to a certain
extent, prophetic; and certainly they did sometimes
prove true.
"On the whole Sönya had a highly nervous
temperament. Never quiet, she was always setting some
greatly involved aim before her. She longed intensely
for success, yet never have I seen her more depressed
than just when she had attained some object for which
she had worked. The reality seemed so little to fulfil
her expectations. While striving to obtain her object
she was often far from agreeable to others, being
intently absorbed in her work. But when one saw her
depressed and unhappy in the midst of success the
deepest pity was aroused. This continual variation
of light and shadow in her temperament rendered her .
most interesting. But, on the whole, our life in Berlin,
spent in uncomfortable rooms, bad air, and amid
incessant, wearing mental labor, without any interval
of recreation, was so devoid of pleasure that I often
12*
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